parethetical evaluations on freedom

while visiting my parents over thanksgiving, in the shower, i had a revelation.

(the shower is where i usually find enlightenment. specifically my parents' shower. i think it leads back to being the only place i could find privacy and alone-time to think when i still lived there.)

ahem. i had a revelation. and the theme of said revelation was freedom. i am FREE. everything i do is up to ME. i make my own choices, and i make them for myself. i can do any stinkin' thing i want.

it made me think a lot about my health, and exercise, and even relationships.

(i love being free, but i don't want it to be a mechanism that i use as a wall around myself.)

so anyways, this all came to me after an interesting night of drinking (a lot) with people that i hadn't seen for a while, and quite honestly had no intentions of seeing (especially no intentions of hanging out with said people after the bar, either). so whatever, i was feeling like crap, both physically and emotionally, shaving my legs, and then i thought:

"why am i being so hard on myself? who cares about (redacting this name), seriously?? i don't have to give a shit, because i'm free."

and it took me a second to pause, then it was like all this shame and blame (rhyme) i had been feeling, well it was suddenly gone. i could almost feel it rising. like some deity that guides me had been waiting for me to realize my freedom, and as a gift in return, the deity gave me this existential feeling of light.

i hope that, by reading this, you will realize that, yes some things become a part of your own personal existence.. but these things are often carried around out of habit and routine. if you can get to that. one. moment. the moment where the weight lifts. you might just be able to move forward with your life, too.

namaste <3