freelancin' all over town.

so after all this time. i'm finally a hired writer AND makeup artist. this all went down in the same week. maybe next i'll meet my husband?

i've recently been added to the company payroll for Benefit Cosmetics. one of my very fave lines. roses, browns, skin highlighters, contouring, eyebrows, cream eyeshadows. i'm in heaven. my first day is sunday. i'll be traveling to all the different Benefit counters in central ohio, mainly weekends, and also doing special events like weddings and makeup lessons.


next up: my first journalism gig! newly on board to write for (614) magazine!! tonight was my first editorial meeting. it was more like a "hey let's drink bud heavy and talk about funny and cool shit" meeting than an editorial meeting. anyways. my first assignment? drag queens in the capital city. good thing i've recently come into a friendship with all kinda gays. love them.

ALSO: your girl is running her first 5k saturday. this might be minor to some of you fitness buffs, but i am a horrible runner, and it's been a huge challenge to make it this far. it's an internal struggle every day, and so far, i'm kicking the shit out of myself. i get better every day.

working out.. losing weight... it's all still happening. saw the lowest number on the scale the other day in two years. just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

oh my goodness all this excitement is making me sleepy. or maybe that was the beer? whatever. this weekend i have the 5k, my first day at Easton with Benefit, and the My Morning Jacket concert. then next weekend, my best friend's wedding. going to be amazing. by the time i get done losing weight for all my friends' weddings, i'll be in shape for my own. if i believed in marriage. but that's a whole nother post.

]

all the single ladies

i'm single again- i don't want to spend time with "mr. right now" when i could be living for myself. i don't feel validation from being in a relationship. i thoroughly enjoy being alone and loving myself. when it's time to share that love, it will happen. he was an amazing guy, but a list doesn't make a person, a soul does. and he just isn't what i'm looking for.

things i've learned.
- it is so very true that you must love yourself in order to love others (and in order to let others love you). if you don't like yourself, then why should i like you?

- be original. holy shit, be original.

- be aware of habits.

- be happy.


xoxo

Can't Sleep

pretty girls wear shiny shoes
& take sugar with their tea. 
all those silly pretty girls,
they'll never be like me. 

happy girls are stupid girls 
who think that dreams are real. 
well I know hell & I know pain
& I know how they feel.

boring girls are good for none,
they've got nothing to say. 
poor old boring snoring girls,
go outside and play!

better girls are rare and kind
and made from honesty. 
you'll never find a better girl,
a better girl than me.

love in 2010

love that my dear friend kalee has a blog, because i miss her words of wisdom every day.
love that i found this top coat that makes any nail polish matte.
love that i'm visiting erin and aaron at the end of the month.
love that it's snowy and freezing outside.
love that i am such a fucking amazing chef and one day i'm going to wow the shit out of my hypothetical husband every night (in the kitchen).
love that i bought purple jeans today.
love that i get to see one of my very best friends this weekend.
love that i'm rarely on facebook anymore.
love that my laundry is done-ish.
love that i'm dating a guy who couldn't be more perfect.
love that i'm remembering how it feels.
love that i almost bought something with a heart on it, for the first time in over two years.

love that i might be falling in love, when i almost stopped believing in it.

frozen toes

this morning, as i opened the door to walk harper, i was briefly paralyzed by pure joy.

it was snowing.

i loved it so so so much.

on another note, my work holiday party is this friday. today a guy from work asked me to go with him (as friends) and i'm really excited. he's tall. i'm wearing a plum-colored dress.

i feel really happy. i hope you do, too. <3

yogaagoy

yet another revelation. this one was not spawned in the shower. it was at a much more appropriate place for revelations: yoga class.

i was in corpse pose (yes, you act like a dead person), and i was tired, and my mind was racing like a freaking nascar driver, when some force pushed these words right in my brain, overpowering all my other thoughts:

"IT'S ALL WORTH IT. YOU'RE WORTH IT."

and i was cynical at first. i know, imagine that. then i thought, "fuck. i am worth it."

then all this other weird shit started coming into my mind about a light inside myself that seems to get brighter at yoga, and then i felt a little drunk from all the body contortions.. then the lights came on, thank goodness. who knows where all the yoga-high weirdness could have led.

regardless. i am really liking all this self-liking i've been feeling lately. it's coming naturally.

mmm hmm.

parethetical evaluations on freedom

while visiting my parents over thanksgiving, in the shower, i had a revelation.

(the shower is where i usually find enlightenment. specifically my parents' shower. i think it leads back to being the only place i could find privacy and alone-time to think when i still lived there.)

ahem. i had a revelation. and the theme of said revelation was freedom. i am FREE. everything i do is up to ME. i make my own choices, and i make them for myself. i can do any stinkin' thing i want.

it made me think a lot about my health, and exercise, and even relationships.

(i love being free, but i don't want it to be a mechanism that i use as a wall around myself.)

so anyways, this all came to me after an interesting night of drinking (a lot) with people that i hadn't seen for a while, and quite honestly had no intentions of seeing (especially no intentions of hanging out with said people after the bar, either). so whatever, i was feeling like crap, both physically and emotionally, shaving my legs, and then i thought:

"why am i being so hard on myself? who cares about (redacting this name), seriously?? i don't have to give a shit, because i'm free."

and it took me a second to pause, then it was like all this shame and blame (rhyme) i had been feeling, well it was suddenly gone. i could almost feel it rising. like some deity that guides me had been waiting for me to realize my freedom, and as a gift in return, the deity gave me this existential feeling of light.

i hope that, by reading this, you will realize that, yes some things become a part of your own personal existence.. but these things are often carried around out of habit and routine. if you can get to that. one. moment. the moment where the weight lifts. you might just be able to move forward with your life, too.

namaste <3